Running Straight For The Unknown?

So, I have this question running in my head now, and that is, am I running straight for the unknown? Let me give you examples of what I'm talking about here. First off, I'm going to school for a major in youth ministry and a minor in worship and music. Do I have any idea what I'm going to do with those? Absolutely not. My first semester of college was mediocre for the work. I scored lower than the required gpa more than likely, but still have heard nothing from the school, so I plan on returning. What are they expecting of me? I know not. I'm writing music once again in hopes of finding answers.... but do I know the questions for the answers in which I'm searching? No. I recently took a trip to Virgina, in which I talked to an old youth minister about stuff and then let him talk to a friend of mine, and do I know why I did any of this really? Not really. Then I was asked the question "CJ, who do you love?" Ugh...

Need I go on?

All I know is that I plan to stay at MACU to earn my degrees, I'm opening up to a very select few, and I'm ready to get back from this break. Do I actually know more than that? Probably. Do I want to unveil all I know? No.

So once again, am I running straight for the unknown? Well... frankly, it's probably the biggest unknown to me, because, to put it bluntly, I am trying to trust God to lead me where he wants me. Other people can probably see where I'm going. Can I? I maybe could.

Running in the Rain

Tell me that you love me
You keep me from the storm
Lord, just hold me close and tight
Keep me safe and warm

Your love it knows no bounds my father
Your mercy knows no end
Your grace is ever-sufficient for me
Capture my passion again

And I’m running the rain
And you scream for me to turn around
But I can’t make it on my own
And I’m tired of being scared

Then a turn around and see
You running, you running to meet me
And I don’t know what to say
But I love you, I love you, I love you

Lord I have been running
So long I can’t conceive
Additions leave me hopelessly lost
I’m yearning and needing to breathe

Fill me with your holy fire
I need you, just to live
Fill me with unending desire
Give all I have to give

Always forgiving
Never forsaking
Always unending
Never Breaking
You’re breaking these chains now
Love me so, how
You live
You live

Wanting Complicated?

"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens." - John Homer Miller

I found myself a few weeks back in a position where things were simple. I kept quiet for a long time, just being one in the crowd seeing the things of this world go in and out, and wanting to do what I could but could not bring myself to do anything. I found myself simply hating the simplicity to my life and broke the hold it had on me. The moment I opened my mouth a life full of complicated situations came flooding into my life. I soon observed that by taking the bindings that a bored, simple life had on me and taking up the opportunity to become a target in a world filled with challenges and opportunities that I found a new excitement that I could strive off of to keep going. I had quit caring before for fear that I might get broken by caring too much, then I began to care with all I have in me for fear that I may not care to much and let the world wither away. Before I held myself back from friendships, evangelism, service, communication, and worst of all, love. I could not commit to anything at all for fear that it would leave just as soon as it became part of my life.

"In every difficult situation is potential value. Believe this, then begin looking for it." - Norman Vincent Peale

When I first arrived at MACU I put up the same front I had all through high school, which was that I am not the intelligent, that I am a class clown, that I could care less about the classes, and that I could not care less if things were going on. I was still mad at those that had abandoned me and never wanted to have to face that possibility again. Then I began crossing those that would break down the walls I had built. One developed a friendship immediately that I have come to cherish, one received an evangelistic message from me when it was asked for, one was provided with service from me when I saw that they needed help in a variety of ways, one broke down all walls of communication in me and made me talk (well technically two here), and, though all received it to an extent, one received a love that I had not been willing to give for a long while. I still had questions about putting myself out there but soon I found out that it was paying off little by little, or maybe very rapidly. I became overjoyed to have a relief of being to look at people and actually caring once again. I have committed myself to the furthering of establishing a relationship with others and putting a seed in others of the love of God. I have been asked why I am happy in the complicated spots I get into now, and I can't say anything other then "I do not know what will happen tomorrow, but while today is here for sure I will give my all and hope for the best tomorrow." I've gotten sick of simple living.... I want a complicated life every moment of everyday so that I may live it out holding a faith that God will provide.

"It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves." - Sir Edmund Hillary

We must all learn to trust God in the plans he has for us, and learn to surrender ourselves to him to become the victor in life. He will lead us to a place of refuge, a place of safety. We must all take up our cross to follow him. Sometimes that means that you may think that you leave yourself vulnerable, but in the truth of things God has all the protection you need.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." - Jeremiah 29:11-14

Living the Legacy

I spent the morning at an old friend's grave
Memories of what was surrounding my mind
How I wish you were here with me now
Wondering why you had to say goodbye that night

I remember when we'd spend hours a day together
You'd teach me everything I would eventually do
Sitting outside days upon days playing sports
Telling me stories all along of the old music days

Tell me where have you gone now
You were my father figure for a long time
My closest friend till I was fourteen
Then you went to sleep and never woke

Thinking now after this visit I must continue
You left a legacy behind to many that remains
Left the will to me that I should continue the legacy
Upon the last closing moments of your grand life

You spoke your last words to anyone to me
Wishing that I would find the girl that I'd love eternily
Telling me to never let go when that did happen
Well uncle, I hope I've done you proud now with her

You left me in your will all the grand memories we had
The remains of the great musical talents I'd been taught
The athletes determination of playing the game for fun
And the heart to care for everyone and push for change

Tell me where have you gone now
You were my father figure for a long time
My closest friend till I was fourteen
Then you went to sleep and never woke

Well the time will come for me
She'll come into my life and I'll promise to not let go
I wish you'd be here to show her what one day I want to be
How much of a mark you left on this world we live in

You are my greatest hero in my life ever
I hope one day to bring justice to your will you left me
I'm trying hard to do so at this moment for you
I sure She would've loved to meet you before you went

The great Lord knows what you've done
He's taking care of you know in your eternal home
You're looking down at me and I'm sure you're smiling
You keeping an eye on me and nodding in approval

That I'm sure of right this moment
You're giving all your approval right now
You're proud of me for trying at least right now
And you know I hope one day to care like you did

I know you're still here with me
My father figure still remains for me
Standing right by my side, closest friend still
You never sleep anymore, always you're awake
Watching over me and smiling always

For you I'll continue my life in this way, to make you proud
Loving with my everything for all eternity
I'll never let go because of you my uncle
Teaching me to be me and hold onto the best I've got

I spent this morning at an old friend's grave
Remembering everything he stood for and taught me
Standing for the love that God gives to everyone
Teaching me to love and give everything to you

Lights of America

This man walks down this road alone
There are no street lights leading the way
Walking blindly through the dark is what he does
Seeing the evil and restraints of a free nation

He’s walking through the valley of the shadow of death
He can see the crimes going on in the streets of darkness
A young lady getting raped, a young man getting shot
Is this what America’s freedom was meant to be

Dear Lord, send me out in the streets tonight please
Let me go to the darkest streets and risk my life humbly
Someone Lord has to go out to these corupted streets
And be the bright lights of America and restore life

She’s had to resort to seeling her body to survive
The divorce left her with nothing but the clothes on her back
All because of her life partner’s abuse towards her
While the judges said let’s provide liberty through mercy

Children sit in shelters starving each and every night
While we complain about the food we have on our tables
We proceed to be frauds of the American economy
Gaining riches by any means, while we don’t give anything back

Dear Lord, send me out in the streets tonight please
Let me go to the darkest streets and risk my life humbly
Someone Lord has to go out to these corupted streets
And be the bright lights of America and restore life

Buildings of the corupt stand tall
While the true strength lay defeated
Wisdom of old no longer exist here
You must keep up with the trends

Dear Lord, send me out in the streets tonight please
Let me go to the darkest streets and risk my life humbly
Someone Lord has to go out to these corupted streets
And be the bright lights of America and restore life

He sees one light flicker in the distance on a street corner
It finally stays on for a few seconds as he reaches it
He looks around to see nothing but feels safe
This lone light in the street has brought a peace for now

Last Day (Of Freshman Summer)

This is the last day of our freshman summer
Textbooks and essays lay around the corner
We all can meet up at your house in half an hour
I can't get ready any faster
We better make it a quarter after

Running through the high school hallways
Talking to friends through classroom doorways
Changing classes underneath crowded breezeways
Learning new stuff all along our ways
This is all we've known for years and it pays

Remember when we just chased that chick
Played pranks on everyone just for a kick
Tried playing off cheating on that test real slick
Did nothing for a day but talk about that social click
Those are gone just like a burnt wick

These times will supply one great story
With moments just like the times in history
While throwing spitballs an fancied little Mary
Or solving the great toilet papering mystery
Retaining these will be a great memory

Running through the high school hallways
Talking to friends through classroom doorways
Changing classes underneath crowded breezeways
Learning new stuff all along our ways
This is all we've known for years and it pays

Now we all meet up and go our own ways
But we will see each other the same ways
But no matter what happens we'll never
Forget all the times we've had together

Running through the high school hallways
Talking to friends through classroom doorways
Changing classes underneath crowded breezeways
Learning new stuff all along our ways
This is all we've known for years and it pays

Alas there is only one last question to pose
Will these memories retire and come to a close
We still have to face lives greatest foes
When could anyone reject now to oppose
Now it's late so we should go and dose

Wish I Was There

I’m here lost in the modern twenty-first century
Sitting in church seats listening to a preacher
He discusses the bible and all that’s within
The marvelous stories that pertain to our faith

There’s the story of the unburned burning bush
The story of Moses and the chosen people
The story of Noah and the great flood
Don’t forget about Jonah in the fish’s belly

O, how many times I wish I was there
I could have witnessed so many of these
All these marvelous stories of incredible great faith
The very stuff that sometime I lack myself

I hear of David and the Palestinian giant
How Daniel was thrown in the lions den
Of the failure of the tower of Babel
Not to mention the story of son Joshua

Finally the greatest of all great bible stories
The virgin birth of Jesus Christ, God’s son
The life, followed to the death and crucifixion
Three days later are Savior raised from death

Would I have faith to be lowered, be healed
Could I touch his clothes to be healthy again
Would I have stepped on water and walked
Could I of lived as one with Disciples

O, how many times I wish I was there
I could have witnessed so many of these
All these marvelous stories of incredible great faith
The very stuff that sometime I lack myself