So... in my life I have a bad habit of noticing things that suck and not saying enough about the good stuff... the stuff I like and all. In the process of doing this no one knows what I like for the most part... just what I don't like (such as; I dislike politics the way most people see, the philosophy sucks in it.... I dislike sellouts, you people use to love what you all did, now you just do it for money, you all suck (that may be a little harsh but it's an example so get over it)).
Upon realizing this I realized it was time for people to see me and what I actually like, and love. All the stuff that doesn't suck. It's time I get back to that stuff and enjoy that stuff in life... not look for what sucks every second of the day. So here's some stuff that I enjoy.
1) I enjoy rainy days, and getting to take spontaneous walks in the rain. The smell of the rain is one of the best smells I've ever known as well.
2) I enjoy animals of basically every kind. I don't know of one animal I don't like. So many are misunderstood and mistreated. I enjoy how playful they can be... and they are some of the most passionate creations of God.
3) I enjoy dancing. This use to be my life, I would do it everyday at anytime, and until recently I lost what it was about and why I did it. For three years I dared not to dance, and in one night it became one of my favorite things to do again. Requiring passion is an understatement on this one. It requires a ton of it... that provides the energy and emotion to convey what you want to in the dance. It demands a connection with one person whom you are dancing with. It is one of the greatest reminders in my life of the relationships God wants me to have.
4) I enjoy music. Music has been part of my life forever (if it hasn't been in your life then you've been living under a rock....) and I'm extremely glad it has been. It started off just by listening... having a cousin sing to me, then went to listening to the radio and what not. Finally I started playing it. A few times I lost what it meant to be a musician and became one of those sellouts mentioned above. But I love getting to pick up a guitar and play songs of hope and inspiration, maybe sometime of a hardship in my life, but then tell how I made it through. It's pretty amazing.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Not everything sucks....
Posted by Adonai's Creed at 6:25 PM 0 comments
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Lock In Filled With Opportunity?
Tonight I helped at lock in at a baptist church about a mile away from my house. The story of how I came by it is funny but simple. I quite literally walked in by accident. I was playing basketball at this church when I was invited in for a cold drink. When I got inside I realized they were getting ready for something so my curiosity peaked and I had to ask what it was. When the answer was a youth lock in I immediately became interested but didn't say anything. Eventually, Jackie, the youth intern minister asked if I'd like to hang around and help. I said sure, not exactly sure what was going to be going on. Jackie and I talked for a while when she brought up the fact that she had a lesson ready but wasn't going to school to be a youth minister. Somehow we got on the topic that that's what I had been going to MACU for and she asked me to do the lesson. I gladly and without hesitation accepted this invitation only to question what would I talk about. Then I realized that this was a lock in, a place of fellowship. So I took that and made it my lesson... one on fellowship. Before hand I had already been presented with so many questions and so little answers to give back... but by the end most the questions were answered and those that weren't are bound to be answered soon. I have found myself between options here... but a couple have come from this lock in and has filled my life with a new wonder of what may come. These youth are amazing, it's hard to believe I should know most of them and that I probably went to school with half of them. This was a blessed night filled with energy, laughter, voices, lost voices from yelling, running, talking, and sharing. The only thing that concerns me is that this youth only has two big leaders and one is leaving soon. The second is fixing to be a senior in high school. The rest aren't really disciplined kids. Smokers, drinkers, drug abusers, drop outs... the list goes on.. but basically they need guidance. Who will bring that when their leaders are gone? It might have been a night of opportunity for me... but what did it do for them?
Posted by Adonai's Creed at 2:35 AM 0 comments
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Goodnight Past
Posted by Adonai's Creed at 10:20 PM 0 comments
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Posted by Adonai's Creed at 7:44 PM 0 comments
So... this morning I found myself awake after three hours of sleep at about 2:00. I couldn't decide whether to lie down again or what I should do. I lay still for a while... listening. The world seemed... I guess the word to use would be dead. I don't live anywhere fancy... anywhere where there is constant hustle and bustle. But everyday, from about the time of 5:30 to about 12:00 am maybe... everything seems alive... the birds chirping, people laughing, crying, moving around, loving, and in general feeling. But for four days straight I couldn't sleep... and before the end of it I didn't want to eat.... I thought for sure that I was getting sick or something was wrong. Little did I know that this was a blessing in disguise.
Throughout the past few nights I've experienced thoughts and feelings I'm not sure many people really feel until later years.... when they begin to wonder on death. I've had thoughts of how do we know we just don't die and that's it, or how do we get to see all our loved ones in heaven one day if they weren't all Christians? I've felt after talking to people pain, remorse, restless, even no feeling at all, the feeling that made me think of absolute death. It made me wonder... does it really even matter. The answer is, do you believe it does? You see... I got to think this stuff and then go... Satan.... you're fighting me to think these things just so I give up, but I'm not going to have any part of it. Even if I was to just die and that be the end, to believe that it's not and live for something I have faith in... to believe in an eternal life after death, which either my soul goes to you, or to my Savior... well, you know what, get behind me and stay there... where I know you're there but I don't have to see your ugly face. I'm striving for a life after death that doesn't include you. My internal struggle has never been such an epic battle until now... when I'm living, breathing, and finding love again everywhere I look. I have family, they get to be the love of my life forever... from start to finish, and in heaven. I have my friends... some come and go it seems, but the thought of them while they around still let's me love them, and I will see them again in heaven. You have the future children, adopted or biological, that I will get to see from birth until hopefully I pass on into God's hands, and then them too will I see in heaven. Last but not least, the one person I could love like no other while on earth, my future wife, whether I've met her not, which from the moment we meet till one of us departs will I love everlasting and so unconditionally even through fights we may have, and then, I will see her in heaven too. To have to think that I never will have to say goodbye forever... well... to me that makes it worth it there. But God supplied a bonus to me.... he called me son, and friend, and he said you're worth anything to me, so he sent his one son to die for me. But then he sold it to me... he said to his son.. arise... and he did. He overcame death, which was caused by sin, inspired by Satan, to say I am greater than even death, nothing will keep me down.
So after I woke up this morning... I took time... listening to the still and quiet... listening to "death" as it made me think of it. Finally at about 4 I decided I was going to kill the silence, but keep my mind on death. I ended up watching an anime movie called "Appleseed." To sum up the movie, humans and bioroids end up living together in the year 2131 A.D. in a Utopian society. Denuan Knute is a young female solider that is brought to this utopia to join in a militant force group. She in essence has to end up saving Olympus, which is the Utopian society. Just on a side note here... It is a very good movie even you don't watch anime (I don't usually which is how I can say that), and I'd recommend watching it. Anyways, several things occurred to me while watching this movie even though this wasn't my first time watching it. The first one struck me while the prime minister of Olympus says "What creature is a man that he would cage himself so willingly?" This struck me because in being home I have so many times felt like a wild animal stuck in a cage. I want to run again, encounter adventure, take a risk, and see what happens. Instead I'm stuck in Sanford, where I don't talk to many people, not even family really, and I have next to nothing to do. But so many times it's the other way around for man. Many times they want to play it safe... they want to have to not do too much, they don't want to have to take the risks.... so instead they willingly cage themselves to a safe little job, in a safe little home, where they encounter the same people daily and think nothing more except on the rare occasion... when they might ask themselves "is this really what I want to be doing?" I don't want to be stuck in a cage... a Utopian society where we interact with people whose feelings are suppressed as the bioroids' emotions are in the movie. The next thing that struck me was that in the movie there is an artificial intelligence system call Gaia that governs the city supposedly, but the truth is that it has been shut down and the Council of Elders have taken over the decision making process saying the whole time it's what Gaia wants. We do the very same to God at times. We shut down God because he's not saying what we want to hear, only to make up what we want to hear and pass it off as God saying it should be. The third and last thing specifically that really caught my attention was the last bit in the movie. Spoiler alert.... good guys win, whoo hoo! Anyways... at the last part of it the question is what now? Or at least that's the basics of it. Briareos answers by saying "It's up to us. It's been left in our hands." The last bit is a monologue from Deunan that basically says the sins of man may get worse for years to come, but if we teach them right, maybe, just maybe, our children might learn from the mistakes we've made and won't have to fight the same pointless battles we have been for years. It got me thinking... Jesus came down... specifically had 12 appointed apostles... but left it up to only a couple of them (for one had betrayed him and most the rest had been murdered) to lead the church. I know at least once those couple people he left had to be like, dude... uhmm... what do we do now. The only answer they had was to trust God and that it was up to them. As Christians seem to forget sometimes... it's up to us to lead others to Christ so that hopefully one day.... one day there might be less of all the sin and pointless fighting. Maybe we'll fight for love, instead of loving the fight. Maybe we'll be able to see past the differences of others to love them and live in peace. Maybe, just maybe, we can learn to honor and respect each other while trying to help those with different opinions. At the end of the movie I looked up to see a little bit of light coming through the windows, and I heard the birds chirping, dogs barking, people leaving to go to work or getting ready to, I heard and saw life.
I consider myself blessed to of had these past few days. I don't know how many people would call me crazy for saying that... I've only seen death about fifteen times up close... but once again... and maybe this time more than the others even, I get blessed to experience it. This one was different in that no one actually died, but it seemed close enough to multiple deaths that it took a toll, and in the end it has made me see that death being the end or not isn't the question... but for the time while you know you have life are you going to live?
Carpe Diem... Seize the day.... one of the best mottoes I know... because if you don't live for the day you're in now you don't know if you'll see tomorrow. Why not do what all you can now while you know you can?
Posted by Adonai's Creed at 3:46 PM 0 comments
Monday, February 8, 2010
Just Come Running
From the moment of birth trials and tribulations came upon you. At times you felt you just can't go on. Now that you're older not much has changed. Life continues to bring hardships your way. You got to keep going.
You know who you are; you know you are not alone, I've got a hundred reasons why I love you, So when you need them just come running, You know where to find me.
Posted by Adonai's Creed at 5:13 PM 0 comments
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Worth (What Are You)
Posted by Adonai's Creed at 1:28 PM 0 comments
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Tonight
Tonight I saw the face of a child that didn't know what to do because the man she should've trusted most had betrayed her.
Posted by Adonai's Creed at 10:16 PM 0 comments
Friday, December 18, 2009
Running Straight For The Unknown?
So, I have this question running in my head now, and that is, am I running straight for the unknown? Let me give you examples of what I'm talking about here. First off, I'm going to school for a major in youth ministry and a minor in worship and music. Do I have any idea what I'm going to do with those? Absolutely not. My first semester of college was mediocre for the work. I scored lower than the required gpa more than likely, but still have heard nothing from the school, so I plan on returning. What are they expecting of me? I know not. I'm writing music once again in hopes of finding answers.... but do I know the questions for the answers in which I'm searching? No. I recently took a trip to Virgina, in which I talked to an old youth minister about stuff and then let him talk to a friend of mine, and do I know why I did any of this really? Not really. Then I was asked the question "CJ, who do you love?" Ugh...
Posted by Adonai's Creed at 12:59 AM 1 comments
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Running in the Rain
Tell me that you love me
You keep me from the storm
Lord, just hold me close and tight
Keep me safe and warm
Your love it knows no bounds my father
Your mercy knows no end
Your grace is ever-sufficient for me
Capture my passion again
And I’m running the rain
And you scream for me to turn around
But I can’t make it on my own
And I’m tired of being scared
Then a turn around and see
You running, you running to meet me
And I don’t know what to say
But I love you, I love you, I love you
Lord I have been running
So long I can’t conceive
Additions leave me hopelessly lost
I’m yearning and needing to breathe
Fill me with your holy fire
I need you, just to live
Fill me with unending desire
Give all I have to give
Always forgiving
Never forsaking
Always unending
Never Breaking
You’re breaking these chains now
Love me so, how
You live
You live
Posted by Adonai's Creed at 6:37 PM 1 comments
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Wanting Complicated?
"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens." - John Homer Miller
Posted by Adonai's Creed at 11:39 PM 1 comments
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Living the Legacy
I spent the morning at an old friend's grave
Memories of what was surrounding my mind
How I wish you were here with me now
Wondering why you had to say goodbye that night
I remember when we'd spend hours a day together
You'd teach me everything I would eventually do
Sitting outside days upon days playing sports
Telling me stories all along of the old music days
Tell me where have you gone now
You were my father figure for a long time
My closest friend till I was fourteen
Then you went to sleep and never woke
Thinking now after this visit I must continue
You left a legacy behind to many that remains
Left the will to me that I should continue the legacy
Upon the last closing moments of your grand life
You spoke your last words to anyone to me
Wishing that I would find the girl that I'd love eternily
Telling me to never let go when that did happen
Well uncle, I hope I've done you proud now with her
You left me in your will all the grand memories we had
The remains of the great musical talents I'd been taught
The athletes determination of playing the game for fun
And the heart to care for everyone and push for change
Tell me where have you gone now
You were my father figure for a long time
My closest friend till I was fourteen
Then you went to sleep and never woke
Well the time will come for me
She'll come into my life and I'll promise to not let go
I wish you'd be here to show her what one day I want to be
How much of a mark you left on this world we live in
You are my greatest hero in my life ever
I hope one day to bring justice to your will you left me
I'm trying hard to do so at this moment for you
I sure She would've loved to meet you before you went
The great Lord knows what you've done
He's taking care of you know in your eternal home
You're looking down at me and I'm sure you're smiling
You keeping an eye on me and nodding in approval
That I'm sure of right this moment
You're giving all your approval right now
You're proud of me for trying at least right now
And you know I hope one day to care like you did
I know you're still here with me
My father figure still remains for me
Standing right by my side, closest friend still
You never sleep anymore, always you're awake
Watching over me and smiling always
For you I'll continue my life in this way, to make you proud
Loving with my everything for all eternity
I'll never let go because of you my uncle
Teaching me to be me and hold onto the best I've got
I spent this morning at an old friend's grave
Remembering everything he stood for and taught me
Standing for the love that God gives to everyone
Teaching me to love and give everything to you
Posted by Adonai's Creed at 4:54 PM 1 comments
Lights of America
This man walks down this road alone
There are no street lights leading the way
Walking blindly through the dark is what he does
Seeing the evil and restraints of a free nation
He’s walking through the valley of the shadow of death
He can see the crimes going on in the streets of darkness
A young lady getting raped, a young man getting shot
Is this what America’s freedom was meant to be
Dear Lord, send me out in the streets tonight please
Let me go to the darkest streets and risk my life humbly
Someone Lord has to go out to these corupted streets
And be the bright lights of America and restore life
She’s had to resort to seeling her body to survive
The divorce left her with nothing but the clothes on her back
All because of her life partner’s abuse towards her
While the judges said let’s provide liberty through mercy
Children sit in shelters starving each and every night
While we complain about the food we have on our tables
We proceed to be frauds of the American economy
Gaining riches by any means, while we don’t give anything back
Dear Lord, send me out in the streets tonight please
Let me go to the darkest streets and risk my life humbly
Someone Lord has to go out to these corupted streets
And be the bright lights of America and restore life
Buildings of the corupt stand tall
While the true strength lay defeated
Wisdom of old no longer exist here
You must keep up with the trends
Dear Lord, send me out in the streets tonight please
Let me go to the darkest streets and risk my life humbly
Someone Lord has to go out to these corupted streets
And be the bright lights of America and restore life
He sees one light flicker in the distance on a street corner
It finally stays on for a few seconds as he reaches it
He looks around to see nothing but feels safe
This lone light in the street has brought a peace for now
Posted by Adonai's Creed at 4:52 PM 0 comments
Last Day (Of Freshman Summer)
This is the last day of our freshman summer
Textbooks and essays lay around the corner
We all can meet up at your house in half an hour
I can't get ready any faster
We better make it a quarter after
Running through the high school hallways
Talking to friends through classroom doorways
Changing classes underneath crowded breezeways
Learning new stuff all along our ways
This is all we've known for years and it pays
Remember when we just chased that chick
Played pranks on everyone just for a kick
Tried playing off cheating on that test real slick
Did nothing for a day but talk about that social click
Those are gone just like a burnt wick
These times will supply one great story
With moments just like the times in history
While throwing spitballs an fancied little Mary
Or solving the great toilet papering mystery
Retaining these will be a great memory
Running through the high school hallways
Talking to friends through classroom doorways
Changing classes underneath crowded breezeways
Learning new stuff all along our ways
This is all we've known for years and it pays
Now we all meet up and go our own ways
But we will see each other the same ways
But no matter what happens we'll never
Forget all the times we've had together
Running through the high school hallways
Talking to friends through classroom doorways
Changing classes underneath crowded breezeways
Learning new stuff all along our ways
This is all we've known for years and it pays
Alas there is only one last question to pose
Will these memories retire and come to a close
We still have to face lives greatest foes
When could anyone reject now to oppose
Now it's late so we should go and dose
Posted by Adonai's Creed at 4:45 PM 0 comments
Wish I Was There
I’m here lost in the modern twenty-first century
Sitting in church seats listening to a preacher
He discusses the bible and all that’s within
The marvelous stories that pertain to our faith
There’s the story of the unburned burning bush
The story of Moses and the chosen people
The story of Noah and the great flood
Don’t forget about Jonah in the fish’s belly
O, how many times I wish I was there
I could have witnessed so many of these
All these marvelous stories of incredible great faith
The very stuff that sometime I lack myself
I hear of David and the Palestinian giant
How Daniel was thrown in the lions den
Of the failure of the tower of Babel
Not to mention the story of son Joshua
Finally the greatest of all great bible stories
The virgin birth of Jesus Christ, God’s son
The life, followed to the death and crucifixion
Three days later are Savior raised from death
Would I have faith to be lowered, be healed
Could I touch his clothes to be healthy again
Would I have stepped on water and walked
Could I of lived as one with Disciples
O, how many times I wish I was there
I could have witnessed so many of these
All these marvelous stories of incredible great faith
The very stuff that sometime I lack myself
Posted by Adonai's Creed at 3:22 PM 1 comments
